Falling Behind

Is the world leaving me behind? I have this job that's... well, basically worth nothing. I'm not happy, and it's not related to anything that I want to do with my life at all. All of my friends are either still back in school or off pursuing their dreams and whatnot or working actual jobs and the like. I'm single and alone. Everyone else I know is pairing off with other people, and I don't even have the time to look for anyone special or even go places to meet people.

Am I being left behind? Somebody tell me...

Praying?

Why do people pray? Why do people feel the need to believe so strongly in a force that may or not exist? You pray to an invisible being, and then when something good happens you thank them. Or when something bad happens, you say "well, it's because there's a bigger plan."

Why?

Why not choose to make you OWN destiny? Create your own life, and take responsibility for your own success and failures? What is the point?

Faith?

What exactly is faith, I wonder? I thought I knew what it was. It's taken on a number of "definitions" in my short 23 years of life. is it believing in deities? Is it believing in people? Is it believing in things at all? No, I think those are just parts of the definition of faith.

I've had a lot of time to do some serious thinking. And this word seems to keep popping up. Whenever I have "faith" in someone, they always to let me down. They disappoint me, or they turn out to not be what or who I believed them to be. Or maybe my "faith" was just me casting them in certain light, putting them on a pedestal, while not allowing myself to see other sides of them that truly bothered me. It seems to happen to me a lot, especially in the past few years, and I can't help but wonder why?

Whenever I have faith in a situation or an opportunity that presents itself to me, it somehow fails or inevitably winds up not being all that it was cracked up to be. But why? Did I do something wrong? Have I just not found that situation that I'm "meant" to be in?

I know that I still have some growing up to do, but I still don't think that I'm all THAT immature. So I wonder why I feel so... what's a good word for "not good enough" or "not up to the standards of everyone else?" Eh, it'll come to me later.

Maybe that's why I want to adopt a dog. Especially a Siberian husky. Very loyal companion dogs. I could have faith in them. I probably couldn't have faith that they wouldn't run away when they get outside, but that's what fences are for. Huskies are loyal. They love you (and really, pretty much everybody). They'd always be there to greet you, they'd always be happy to see you, and they wouldn't fight with you.

*sigh* I really want my husky now...